Tuesday, April 10, 2007

elements of "the cylon plan" as they have come to light

1. lead an insurgency against your own robot race
2. emulate bob dylan, but not very well
3. mess up baltar's mind, but bad
4. confuse me on the starbuck issue
5. be the only future race with any sense of fashion left (yes, i'm lookin' at you, stupid unflattering human tank top maker)
6. human genocide. and ok, that was bad.

10 comments:

Sinker said...

I think that when the first part of your plan is obliterating all but 40,000 members of the human race, you're allowed a certain amount of wiggle room with what comes afterwards. I mean, give it to them: They got THAT one right.

Sure, everything that's come after has been a bit of a disaster, but 40 years from now--seemingly an eternity in this universe--who's going to remember all the "oops" moments? They're going to sit back, look at that death toll and say, "They had a plan."

admiral helena cain said...

i dunno, man. any plan that starts with massive obliteration and then goes on to include, like, tag-teaming baltar? that's not a plan to tell the grandkids about.

although baltar would.

paulmdavis said...

The Cylons aren't tied to our silly human dogmas and intractability. They can change with the winds. If those winds include a nu-metal rendition of "All Along The Watchtower" and a three-way with Gaius Frakking Baltar, then so be it.

Max said...

Their masterpiece plan is, of course, to just do whatever the humans intend to do - FIRST. It's specacularly difficult. I mean first, you have to find out what they're doing. And then do it faster, better, and before they do! Gods, it's like, like, what Microsoft wants to do to Apple but on a global scale!

And if it's anything like the way Microsoft has tried to do to Apple the Cylons are basically the Zune of the future.

paulmdavis said...

The Cylons have a plan like the damned writers of Lost have a plan: as in, it's not really well defined...or just really complicated. You wouldn't understand.

I'm letting the BSG writers off the hook here because they've basically said they don't have a plan from the beginning other than they know where it's going to end. I can buy that.

Anyway, after that aside let's examine that the Cylons plan--whatever it was--seemed to grind to a halt near the end of season two when Boomer and Six urged the others to occupy. It really all went to hell after that for the Cylons (despite resulting in a frakking bad-ass story arc) but after they got their asses handed to them on New Caprica, what did they do for the rest of the season? Torture and get down with Gaius Frakking Baltar, not take care of the baby, they almost got wiped out by a plague, and they showed up above the algae planet to...do what?

These damned Cylons need to have a strategy meeting and really reconsider their message and corporate goals right quick, 'cos I'm not buying what they're selling any more.

roman mars said...

Cylon plan revealed:

1. Wake up at 6:45 am.
2. Shower.
3. Shake for breakfast.
4. Annihilate human race.
5. Shake for lunch.
6. Learn about this troubling human emotion called...love.
7. Oh wait, reconsider #4 with regards to #6.
8. Sensible dinner.

paulmdavis said...

Speaking of which, what do the Cylons eat, anyway? I mean, they're biological beings, they can't just be all "we're robots, give us some precious ores to eat"! Are there Cylon cows on those baseships being bred for delicious experiments?

roman mars said...

energon cubes

Sinker said...

Equally as perplexing as what they eat is this:

Did the Cylons stop off at some kind of intergalactic antique store to pick up that fancy-ass bed that Baltar and the ladies were getting down in, or are there Cylon artisans on every ship ready to craft heirloom-quality furniture on command?

admiral helena cain said...

You know what I think? I think you-all are kind of a pack of Cylon Apologists. If Tigh were here, and not recently revealed to be a cylon himself, he'd call you "Frakking Cylon Lovers," and sneer at you disdainfully.

They do have a highly developed sense of interior design, though.