Monday, May 07, 2007

WTF roll call

peoples, i think we have to acknowledge that there are seven of us actual official blog members here, not counting the fakers and the dupes (we'll call them "Baltars" and "Starbucks" and divide 'em along gender lines), and therefore we have to embrace the potential geekiness of each adopting a cylon avatar.

I propose, for example, that Janice, whose contributions are rare but deeply significant, is our black doctor cylon. Roman I think has to be Leoben. Sorry dude! But you're both, you know, a little too smart for your own good. Dan is totally Boomer. I would want to be Boomer, but I just don't have the tech skills.


Dr. Anne Elizabeth Moore said...

Oh wait! I forgot that Max isn't officially a blog member. Which makes him the Xena Warrior Princess Cylon.

Sinker said...

wait, what even other non-final five cylons are there?

There's Caprica...
There's that dude that kind of looks like Kevin Spacey
There's the guy from Quantum Leap

Am I missing someone?

It's a bad sign on the writer's part that I can't immediately locate all seven cylons in my brain.

Paul M. Davis said...

Wait...which one does this make me then?

Max said...

Can't I be the hybrid babble box that drives the base ships?

Dr. Anne Elizabeth Moore said...

oh my god, you people are totally ineffective geeks.

sexpot cylons:
xena warrior cylon
caprica 6

dean stockton/QL cylon
kevin spacey cylon
mia black doctor

Dr. Anne Elizabeth Moore said...

i will be dean stockton, since i'm pretty sure he scares paul.

Janice said...

dude, awesome. cause i totally love to drug women and steal their eggs!!! so that works for me.

Dipshit McGee said...

I have already been named number 6 by sinker, even though it couldn;t be less appropriate because I have no hypnotic seduction powers, do not kill babies and as Sinker already been pointed out, I do not look good in a tight red dress (how did he know that? When he's never even met me? HE MUST BE A CYLON.)

I'd rather be a Boomer model, thoiugh, as she is the only Cylon of the seven with at least one version of herself fighting alongside humanity as fully-recognized member of the Colonial military.

Actually my favorite Cylons are the Harvey Kietel Cylon, the Helen Mirren Cylon, the Robert Downey Jr. Cylon, the Hugh Laurie Cylon, the Forrest Whitaker Cylon, the Jim Jarmusch Cylon, and the Jodie Foster Cylon -- who of course do not exist, but I wish they did.

[And if that sounded geeky, please bear in mind that I spent a few hours yesterday actually looking at all the BSG T-Shirts available on Cafe Press, and came close to wanting to actually buy one (I didn't, though. FYI.)]

Paul M. Davis said...

I'm getting out on a technicality, here. I'm frakkin' Tigh Cylon!!!

I like to drink. I often utter "whoo-ahh-oooh" and other such grunts when I can't fully comprehend what the frak is going on. Balding. Initially antagonistic to people who remind me of myself. All the signs point too--whoo-ahh-ohh!

Dr. Anne Elizabeth Moore said...

actually i've always found todd to have ridiculously hypnotic seduction powers. although the dress and baby killing things do stand.

also, do we need to start another petition for a Hugh Laurie cylon? I'll sign that shit, and how.

Sinker said...

Paul does make a compelling argument there.

I would like to start a petition for a Harvey Firestein Cylon.

Paul M. Davis said...

By gods, I second the petition for the Harvey Fierstein cylon. There is such a deep well of stereotypically "gay" behavior that this show has yet to draw from!

Paul M. Davis said...

Speaking of which, where are the gays on the BSG? Do they think having a butchy-yet straight-female lead is enough?

Dipshit McGee said...

If Starbuck counts as "butch" then I look good in a tight red dress. Sure, she may be a tough-talkin' hard-drinkin' stogie-chompin' gunslingin' punch-throwin' motherfrakker, but she is ALL WOMAN in DMcG's book.

Dipshit McGee said...

And w/r/t gay Cylon action: There are no gay Cylons because, (as I have pointed out elsewhere in this blog) unfortunately (and INEXPLICLABLY) Cylons evidently do not engage in any form of recreational (i.e. non-procreative) sex with each other. What is their frakking problem!?!? Are they INSANE?

Dr. Anne Elizabeth Moore said...

ah, i'd like to point out that getting super belligerant about things that have been stated elsewhere in this blog is really funny, and i'd like to request that we all try to do a little bit more of that, please.

also, hello? do you genuinely believe caprica 6 and xena warrior cylon were just taking turns with baltar? or have we just accidently included all of lesbianism in het sex? 'cause i don't wanna have to pull out my picture books for you people, but i will.

Sinker said...

It was just a big cuddle-fest Anne. A big cylon/Baltar cuddle fest. You should have seen the deleted scenes where Dean Stockwell comes into the room saying "WHO NEEDS A HUG!?"

Paul M. Davis said...

I have no idea how I overlooked the Cylon three-way, but somehow it slipped my mind. Swear to gods.

Dr. Anne Elizabeth Moore said...

Dear Paul Davis,

We apparently watch Battlestar Galactica for entirely different reasons.


Anne Elizabeth Moore

Paul M. Davis said...

Isn't it clear by now that I watch for the drunk and cranky old people?

Dr. Anne Elizabeth Moore said...

it's becoming clearer by the moment.

Dipshit McGee said...


You misunderstood me. I was not getting beligerant at anyone on the blog... I was getting beligerant at the Cylons, as per my earlier comment to Sinker about how... you know what? I'll just cut and paste it (below):

Sinker: that is all true. Cylons obviously have sex on the silcone synapses in a big way.

But interestingly, even though, as you point out, Cylons come pre-outfitted with a gigantic set of Romantic Weekend Getaway supplies ranging from Threeway-Sized Fantasy Beds to Light Up That Marriage Again wardrobes, it is noteworthy that we have never seen a Cylon knowingly having sex WITH ANOTHER CYLON.

If I was sexually libertine robot race with millions of identical models of 12 versions of me, I would be having sex with one or another version of myself CONSTANTLY.

The fact that they never do -- even though they are all, with the possible exception of Dean Stockwell (I just can't feel erotic about that guy ever since seeing Blue Velvet) REALLY HOT-LOOKING -- probably tells us a lot about their sex lives. They are all about trying to get a human/Cylon baby born. Procreation, not recreation, is on their mind.

Of course the deep-cover untriggered versions of Boomer and Chief had plenty of sex. This means that the different Cylon models CAN have sex with each other, but for some reason CHOOSE NOT TO. (!?!?)

I for one would think the opportunity of doing forty or so Boomers at once, with no risk of pregnancy, would be a GREAT way to kill time during those long boring voyages through interstellar space. But apparently none of the Cylons agree with me.

Which I think is a damn shame.

Dipshit McGee said...

(...and regarding the Balthar 3-way: the same frustrating point applies, in that a human was involved.)