Monday, April 30, 2007

SPOILER WARNING

I had an actual a-ha moment the other day when i realized that, in fact, this whole kara thrace business may not be about starbuck at all. it might just be a hallucination on lee's part. which might make him the key player here, instead of her, and she would just still be dead. "key player" being a term i'm coming across frequently as i study for the LSATs, meaning a player who is central, or key, to proceedings. i mean, lee could be, like, the messiah figure here, whoch would suck royally.

by the way, paul invited all sorts of people to read this blog without making sure they had seen every episode of every season beforehand. therefore, i'm just going to call this post SPOILER WARNING and hope they are all adult enough to handle the mature contents.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Hello, frakkers.

It's me, DMcG, aka Anne's mythical friend. I can now verify that I am real and I am not (like some posters on this blog I could name) a figment of DrAEM's imagination. I am very computer illiterate, but having finally negotiated the intricacies of the sign-up process (which I assume would be child's play to, say, an actual child -- since, I am told, 5-year-olds now know how to work these things) I am now in a position to hopefully prove I am not a "Todd6" in anyone's mind.

I wish to make it clear, however, that I did not write the 15-posts-in-one non-easily-digestible entry below as an intentional attempt to destroy the readability of your blog. DrAEM took that from an email and posted it herself; I was a bit embarassed as it kind of makes me look like a dork. In case you were wondering why anyone would write an email so ludicrously long-winded or whether I have way too much free time or what, the answer is that such emails are only one of a vast repetoire of procrastination techniques I (entirely dysfunctionally) rely on daily to avoid actual responsibilities, and my capacity for such avoidance is evidently Herculean, if the last two decades or so of my life are any indication.

Anyway, thank you sinker for inviting me in to post official posts for actually real. Now that all that is out of the way, I promise my subsequent posts will be more to the point.

My first official post is this: the Final Cylon is a cat named THURBER, sent to Earth to spy on humanity in prep for the coming invasion.

Friday, April 27, 2007

other very important issues that require your thoughtful response and, probably, some further clarification on the part of the writer, who is not me

1. What is the deal with transmigration of personalities during Resurrection? Evidently at least one model of Boomers and one of 6 (identified as "Caprica 6") have individuated personalities that they maintained even after being killed and resurrected. Yet, do the all the other models subsequently recieve the same info those specific ones have? In some episodes it seems they do, in others not. have the show's creators not thought this through?

What is the Cylon religious motivation? Apparently the Dean Stockwell Cylon model doesn't even believe in God, yet the other models, to varying degrees, are totally devoted monotheists (unlike the polytheistic humans.) But where did Cylon religion come from? Unlike the humans, they know who created them (humans.)

How long have Cylons existed? We know there was a war when the Cylons turned against theor human masters, approxiamately 50 years before the start of the show. But were the Cylons around thousands of years ago in the dim prehistory of the 12 colonies? I thought hey were "recently" invented by the human race as robot servants of the human race, but the Final 5 are evidently part of the mystic ancient temple stuff on the eye of the nebula planet where they found the shrine thing that leads to Earth. So are Cylons just a few generations old or were they around thousands of years ago when the 13th tribe left for Earth?

2. What were the motivations behind the policy of genocide against the humans in the first place? in the early episodes, we were led to believe that it was a hardline religious crusade based on the fact that Cylons think (and, it is unstated but always alluded to, perhaps RIGHTLY) that humans are undeserving of life given their inherent "sins." Yet at least a few of the Cylon models seem to have been created with the purpose of emulation of human emotions (such as, particularly, love, in the case of Number 6) and the creation of a human/Cylon crossbreed hybrid baby seems big on their agenda. One of your blog poster friends said this may be because they lack the genetic diversity to reproduce properly so are attempting to gain said diversification capability from human gene exchange in sexual reproduction (rather than the presumed manufacture of identical models that constitutes their current reproductive mode.) This seems plausible to me but we have yet to learn their real agenda at all -- especially considering the complete wild card of the Final 5.

3. Why don't the 7 genocide-policy Cylons even know what the Final 5 look like? What was the source of the rift between them and the other models? How long ago did that rift take place, and if it was recently, how is it the other 7 models are completely unaware of any information surrounding the Final 5? The original storyline implied that in the first Cylon/Human War, the Cylons were the old-model (1978-style ) "centurion"models, and the human-looking biosynthetic types "evolved" during their 40-year silence of no contact with the 12 colonies. So why can't they remember the Final 5, if their very exiestence is less than 40 years old? Did they all get their memories wiped?

4. If Chief is, in fact, a Cylon, what purpose would it have served the Cylons to program him and the original deep-cover pre-self-aware Boomer to fall in love in the first place? That wouldn't advance their stated "create a Cylon/human hybrid baby" agenda at all, if neither one was human.

5. If "projection" is a Cylon ability, how come Balthar now has a phantom "projected" version of himself that is capable of messing with Caprica 6's mind the same way she once was able to mess with his?

(Before you say "maybe that proves Balthar is a Cylon", I want to point out that making Balthar a Cylon would be a really, really bad idea on the part of the writers. His whole function is to represent the flaws of humanity -- specifically, to serve the show as a brilliant evocation of human psychiatric dysfunction called "narcissism." Making him a Cylon would therefore be UTTERLY LAME. Even though it is in keeping with his character's grandiose self-image needs that he would SUSPECT himself of being some all-important lost model of Cylon, it should NEVER turn out to be actually true.)

And even after Caprica 6 reunited with Balthar in "real life" version, why does the "projected" Caprica 6 still have a different personality/agenda w/r/t to Balthar and their secret relationship than the physically-present model does?

For that matter, what is the Caprica 6 model's agenda?Originally it was all about manipulating Balthar's narcissism through a superior understanding of human psychology than our own. But she is evidently programmed to attemot to emulate lovem, and apparently does "fall in love' with him -- even if it's twisted sort of weird-ass version of it. Did her subsequent betrayal of the Cylons' original agenda represent a kind of corruption of Cylon purity by exposure to human (i.e. flawed) emotions? Did this "corruption" create a "projected" version of Balthar in her mind that functions independently of the personality of the real Balthar?

None of the shows I've seen (and I've seen all of them) seem to have addressed any of these questions. God, what if the creators/writers simply haven't thought this stuff through ahead of time, and are simply winging it?

That would SUUUUCK.

My last question here is about when all this is taking place. Did the Bob Dylan implanted memory thing indicate that they are now receiving signal information from present-day contemporary earth (as in the ill-fated "Galactica 1980" scenario, where they find Earth and it's Earth as is NOW) or is it an implanted memory from thousands of years ago? I.e. is the show taking place in the present or in the far future? All we can rule out is that it is taking place before Bob Dylan was born, obviously, so we know for a fact that it's definitely not happening in the past.

Final comment: here is my personal favorite BSG moment of the whole series: Adama telling Starbuck, during the parallel-editing mutual-assassination plot sequence at the end of the mid-season 2 cliffhanger,

"...I want you to pull out your sidearm... and shoot Admiral Cain in the head."

This was AMAZING. Because there are only about as many humans left in the entire species-wide population as there are students at the UW-Madison, obviously Colonials plotting against other Colonials is the worst possible thing that could happen -- yet Commander Adama is forced into this plot regardless, because Cain is EVIL and is plotting to kill him, too. Watching this, you're like "NO! You're just validating everything the Cylons said about why you should be destroyed in the first place!" but on the other hand it is difficult to see what else he can do. He is human, and as such he has no "correct", (i.e. non-evil) option open to him.

To his credit he does not go through with it, and neither does Cain in her identical plan to terminate his command -- but the mere thought that his father (and by extension, the whole human species) has come to this makes Apollo actually lose his will to live in the battle during the resurrection ship offensive -- he is literally willing to die in space with a slow oxygen leak rather than go on living as a member of the human race. For a moment, he believed the Cylons were right that the humans had no reason to live. This was brilliant, brilliant writing -- not even just "brilliant sci-fi writing", but brilliant writing period.

Something todd found on the internet

"By the way, look what exciting things can happen from a simple Wikipedia search -- in case you were wondering what all the throaty world-music vocals in the theme music is all about, here is the explanation:

The title sequence features a Hindu mantra, the Gayatri Mantra, taken from the Rig Veda... The words in the mantra are "Om bhūr bhuvah svah tat savitur varēnyam bhargō dēvasya dhīmahi dhiyō yō nah pracōdayāt", which may be translated in various ways but means approximately:

"Oh all-protecting lord, please guide our intellects, so that we may proceed in the right direction towards enlightenment"

OH MY GOD THAT'S AWESOME."

Thursday, April 26, 2007

tighpatch: the question

So do you think that somewhere on the Cylon homeworld somewhere there's one of those Cylon ressurection hot tubs with just a single eye floating in it, waiting for the rest of Tigh to catch up to it?

EDIT: Who knew I was spelling Tigh's name wrong and didn't correct me??

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Frakking Toasters Among Us

I've noticed a lot of duplicate names over there in the contributors list. Anyone picking up mysterious cover song transmissions? Feeling extra monotheistic? Craving a Baltar three-way?

Potentially Life-Supporting, Earth-Like Planet Discovered


Kobol? Caprica? THE GODS WANT TO KNOW!

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=9796321

Petition for Admiral Helena Cain to be the Final Cylon

We, the undersigned, believe Admiral Helena Cain to be deserving of both the immortal life and the infinite reproduction made possible by the Cylon lifestyle. Furthermore, we feel her position as the leader of the Battlestar Pegasus and willingness to destroy human life for practically no reason at all must receive recognition from the pantheon of the true whatevers the Cylons believe in, blah blah blah, therefore we officially stand by the welcoming of Admiral Helena Cain into official Cylonhood.

Sincerely,

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Cyexperts

I'm wondering about cylon reproductivity and I look to you wisened ones for answers.

OK, we already know that they can be born again through their jelly infused hot tub of sorts. OK, we also know that both genders can reproduce the old fashioned way con womb y sperm as examplified by boomer and chief.

so, if cylons evolved separately from humans (different flesh and blood types), then WHY does their frakking plan seem to be to create a new hybrid generation with human dna? I mean if the cylons are so bloody better than humans and they have their own cancer curing blood, why human it up? you know?

Or do you think that we are not so biologically different and maybe they need our stuff to be who they are?

what the frakk?

Friday, April 20, 2007

Kara Thrace ruins yet another perfectly good relationship

So my friend that I was arguing with about whether or not Kara Thrace is a cylon has disappeared off the face of the earth since I last detailed my negative feelings on the matter. To recap: he thinks she's a cylon, I think that's preposterous.

So to this board I pose not relationship advice, of course—who needs that?—but a reposing of the question of whether or not there's any chance Kara Thrace could be a cylon. Cause i just don't see it but i far prefer when my relationships with people are ruined by like money, betrayal, or murder.

Thank you, friends.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Special Envoy Anne Elizabeth Moore...


...I suggest that you conduct an interview with Admiral Helena Cain, another regular contributor to this blog.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Paper of the future

OK, has anyone else noticed that most of the paper--including books--in BSG is cut to have diagonal corners? Why? Is there some major need for tiny triangles of paper, and so it makes sense to send every sheet, big or small, through a die-cutter? Because, unless they've discovered a new way of making paper in the future, I can't see how it would conserve resources, which you'd think they'd be especially conscious of what with being in a convoy, always on the run. But maybe not. Maybe paper's so ubiquitous they just cut it up for fun.

Exciting Battlestar Icon News!

I was reading a discussion between icon designers yesterday, and recognized a few of the elements in one of the dude's designs. And I realized: WHOA! Those are BSG icons! For your computer! And they're free!

And wouldn't you know? There are THREE VOLUMES of icons!

volume one!

volume two!!

volume three!!!

So yeah, if you've ever wanted to have your VERY OWN Kara Thrace dogtags, now you can. Well, virtually!

WHAT THE FRAKK??? I'm FINALLY on New Blogger!

Hey Folks,

Apparently, Google's finally given me the "nod" and I've just updated this blog to "new blogger." So I'm going to have to re-reinvite everyone, I guess. They make this easy, huh? Who needs what?

Thursday, April 12, 2007

an actual dream i had last night

Last night i had a dream that two cylons—the silver ones, with guns for hands—were coming to get me. Thus, I can honestly tell you exactly what I would do if I were to suffer a cylon attack in the near future.

First, I would grab a paper grocery sack, into which I would throw two pairs of shoes. I will most likely be wearing my jammies (which I do when preparing to go to bed in dreams, apparently, even though in real life I dress like baltar's cylon girlfriends—by which i mean i don't bother to dress at all.) Then, I would get my red hoodie, and my rain jacket, and I would really quick check my day planner one last time before running out the door in terror. Unfortunately, I notice that there are a couple things I've forgotten to add in, so I search around for a pen for a little while—my place is a mess!—and when I find it, I sit down and properly fill out my date book.

And then there is a noise. I think it's actually cylon theme music. I'm reminded that I should really get going. Thankfully, I have a cat sitter on hand, and all I have to do is call her and she takes Thurber out the window and they meet me at "the meeting location."

Umm, and then I escape.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

GALACTICAKES FOR ANNE'S BIRTHDAY!


Maybe I can convince Daria to make some of these for your birthday, Anne!

HAPPY FRAKKIN BIRTHDAY ANNE!!!

Anne Moore, even though the Cylons seem to have conspired to give you a super shitty weather day, it's still your birthday so happy birthday! I tried to find you something Battlestar-Birthday appropriate, but this was the closest I could find.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Proud Mary Keep On Burning


Confirmed from the man at the top: Rosilin and Adama were totally getting baked in that scene on New Caprica where they were passing around a "cigarette". It was meant to be a "marihuana" cigarette (or BSG-world equivalent)!



If they were Cylons they'd be hearing the nu-metal version of "Smoke Two Joints"!!!

elements of "the cylon plan" as they have come to light

1. lead an insurgency against your own robot race
2. emulate bob dylan, but not very well
3. mess up baltar's mind, but bad
4. confuse me on the starbuck issue
5. be the only future race with any sense of fashion left (yes, i'm lookin' at you, stupid unflattering human tank top maker)
6. human genocide. and ok, that was bad.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Cylon history 101

As per the "cylon homeworld" mentioned in the previous posts's comments. I'm realizing that I'm a bit foggy on the history of cylons. Here's what I know:

I know that the cylons were created by man.

I know that they evolved

I know that they have a plan

BUT I'm not exactly sure of things like:

OK, man created 12 cylons?

Or did man just create those big metal ones from the first series and then THEY evolved and created the 12? Or were there 5 (the final five?) and then THEY created 12?

And those 12 were originals? Then they replicated themselves?

And when, exactly, did the cylons decided to set up a homeworld?

And the kind-of-human things lubed up at the center of a Cylon baseship? Those AREN'T cylons? They're just baseship brains? They were created by who exactly? And can you build a ship without them?

Oh, and the Raiders are not driven by the big metal robots, but instead are... sentient? They were grown? Or something?

OK, and all of this has happened only in the last 40 years?

machines with racial issues

being the first and most important point here, and also: how awesome is my new blogger identity? seriously. fear me, because i am totally psycho and don't give a shit.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Awesome vs. Not Awesome.

You know how sometimes you're having a day that's maybe not so awesome and so you say to yourself, "I need to think of something awesome," and so then you think about when Adama jumped the Galactica INTO New Caprica's atmosphere and they're dropping straight fucking down while all the Vipers are streaming out of it, then they jump back into space before they flatten the whole fucking town? Well goddamn right, because that's AWESOME.



But, it's not SO awesome that at least a dozen or so "videomakers" should have cut it into music videos for bands like the Offspring, Hendrix, and Velvet Revolver. WTF??

Some Observations From Watching Season 1 Again For The First Time In Years

1. I forgot that there was a point in the show when all the characters weren't drunk ALL THE TIME!

2. The "Tigh Me Up, Tigh Me Down" episode is actually pretty funny

3. Nice breadcrumbs in the Leoben episode to be picked up two seasons later

4. Man, I am so clad the Six in Baltar's brain disappeared for the most part halfway into season two.

5. Why didn't we see the original Boomer's conversion to being a proud Cylon more? Especially when the first season was about how conflicted she was about it?

6. Who wrote "Cylon" on her mirror?

7. I forgot there was a time that Starbuck's character was rad

8. Lee's always been annoying

9. The President has always ruled

10. Doc Cottle deserved, and still does, a lot more screentime

Saturday, April 07, 2007

choose your lee

If I had to be trapped in a raptor with a broken FTL drive for a few hours with Fat Lee or Total Douchebag Lawyer Lee, I would choose Fat Lee every time.